Are You Hot?
Host: Bob Noxious /And......now our next Hot Contestant in Hot Zone One
from Sasquatch Maine........... Lisa !!!/ Judge: Rachel Hunter You have
a nice face but no where near perfect ....I give you a 7.2 for your
face, and a 6.5 for your body...too skinny...overall sex appeal, I give
you 7.5. Judge: Wuzhisname Surferlook You need to use more
eye-make-up........you have very dark hair......and what happened to
your bazookas?!! Lisa: (pulling at her bikini top and smiling) This is
the real me, this is me !! T.V. Audience: Peach Woo Hoo!!! No fake Gel
Crap for this one!!! Yeah Lisa!!!! Wuzhisname: You have a very pretty
face....I give you a 9.6 for your face......your body a 7.5 ....too
skinny, eat some more! Like your attitude and self confidence.......I
give you a 9.8 sex appeal. Judge #3: Imsokool Kantremberhizname I give
you an 8 for your face.......and a 6.5 for your body...no breasts...too
skinny.......overall sex appeal, I give you a 9. (Lisa walks off) (Mr
Hot walks in) Bob Noxious: /...And now our next Hot Guy from Orland
Park, Illinois...............let's hear it for Kevin!!!!!!/ Peach:
Sweet.......nice sympatico guy, nice pecs, nice abs!.......cute!
Wuzhisname: Smile!............no, smile some more. Can't you smile? Open
your mouth. No, open it wider. Open your mouth! Kevin: ( Lips quivering
like jelly......trying to open his mouth in front of 50 trillion people
watching all over the country.) Wuzhisname: Can't you open your mouth
wide?.........open it!! You have bad teeth........ I give you a 7 for
your face........your body is good.....I give you a 9.4 for
that.......overall sex appeal I give you 9.9......hey, there is always
room for improvement! Audience:Texas Horse Rancher (whispering to his
buddy next to him) That's how my buyers check out my horses before they
buy them......lookin' at their teeth; make sure they is gettin' what
they done paid for..................never thought they'd use it for
people. Rachel: I give you an 8.5 for your face.......a 7.5 for your
body, I think it's too big.....and an 8.5 for sex appeal. Imsokool: I
give you a 9 for your face because you are a great looking guy and a 9.9
for your body....awsome body and a 9.8 overall sex appeal. (Next 4
contestants get very high scores......average 9 or 9.5........definitely
higher than Kevin. I lost some of the show.......got bored and continued
to surf................saw ending) Bob Noxious: /....And now our fourth
Hot Guy who made it to the finals..................Kevin!!!!!!!!!!!/
Audience: Much applause. Bob Noxious: / I am sorry for those of you who
did not meet the qualifications for being Hot..........Would you please
exit the stage...(So long losers.....)/ End of Show (Hot Zone
1).............credits roll......all Hot Babes and Hot Guys waving to
the audience. Four Hundred years from now when they open the *Time
Capsule 2003* floating out in space, they will view the video for a T.
V. program called *Are You Hot?* Space Cadet Hardwan: Man, what kind of
people would watch that?! Space Cadet Lowsha: I guess they weren't too
bright...........lack of culture........maybe not everyone in those days
had opportunities for education . You know, a lot of ignorance. Hardwan:
Hmmm.......I don't think so. According to history, there were many
people who continued to further their education. Lowsha: Then what was
it? Hardwan: Probably boredom........maybe Wannabe Fever or Couch Potato
syndrome..........Many Americans in those days considered those kinds of
programs to be illuminating. Lowsha: Get out of Town!!!!!! You mean
there were more of those programs?!! (in shock) No way!!!!!! Hardwan:
Yes way. They called them Reality Shows. Lowsha: That
sucks..........makes me embarrassed that my American ancestors were
so....so.... crude.......you know no class.......... Hardwan: History
can repeat itself......as they say. There is never a perfect
world........our progeny may feel the same about us. Lowsha:
Yeah.......maybe......but there just couldn't be any worse crap than
those Reality Shows they watched! Hey, I'm getting tired of logging
these Laser Flashes and Time Capsules.......Let's take a break on
Calm-out Space Isle...........maybe a little nookie before your wife
gets back to Platform 7? Hardwan: Great idea...meet you there in 5
minutes! *HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY*