Two women get on an elevator. A man gets on seconds later. One of the
women I'll call the 'Bitch'. The other woman we'll simply refer to as
the 'non-bitch'. It is known by all who work in this particular
Department that the elevator in this building has a mind of it's own. No
matter who gets on first or what button is pushed it will always go
'down' to the Basement level. When the man enters the elevator Non-Bitch
says that she thinks "the elevator is going up". At this point the man
either presses the button for the basement or he says "'no" and presses
the button. The story is sort of murky here and I believe he just turned
and pressed the button for going down. As the elevator is going down to
the Lower Level the Bitch makes comments pertaining to the integrity of
the man and although I do not know what words were used it was basically
to say that he was a jerk. (She may have even whispered loud on purpose
to Non-Bitch so he would be sure to hear her.) This was a while ago.
Yesterday this man was invited to a Department Luncheon where the Bitch
was a Supervisor and of course she showed up. She snubbed him at the
luncheon and has been doing so ever since the Elevator incident. The
story was related to me by the man. He told me of the kind of behavior
she has displayed over the past 2 or 3 years or however long ago this
happened. And that her attitude towards him is one of indifference and
coldness. Not that he really wanted to have anything to do with her
anyway. Upon hearing the story I expressed my understanding of what a
'bitch' she was as he called her and what I thought of the elevator
occurrence. I said that I thought that her behavior was not acceptable.
But I also told him that I thought that when Non-Bitch said that she
thought the elevator was going up, that she meant they were planning on
going up. I said he probably should have waited for them to go up before
he pressed the button to go down(knowing of course that the elevator's
dysfunction would bring it down anyway if he pressed the Basement
button) I thought this was the right thing to do. It would have been the
polite gesture to make in regards to the facts that were relayed to me.
I was not expecting his outraged response at all. He was very angry with
me, and said I did not support him or even care. I sort of took this in,
thought about what he had said and then tried to convince him again why
I thought the women should have gone up first before he went
down.............. I am not sure why this conversation got out of
control but it did. I have not spoken with him since yesterday. He is
still very angry with me and I am even afraid to e-mail him. I am very
hurt and feel betrayed. I cried last night and again this morning.
Yesterday a kind of numbness took over in which I was silent. Then I
went through an anger stage in which I wanted to scream. I also wrote a
'poor me' letter that I was hoping would be found 'accidentally'. How
could this have happened? Is there something I'm missing here? Is it
necessary to climb inside his psyche to see where he is coming from? Is
this just about having a 'bad day at the office'? I may not be sure
where he is coming from but I certainly know of what my position is.
Although many people complain about the lack of this, I do find that men
still will open doors for a woman . And if two people come to a door or
entrance at the same time, there are those, (men and women too), who
will step aside and allow the other person to go through first. It is a
nice gesture; and I cannot understand why, in this busy world, people
cannot perform a chivalrous act and think about someone else for a small
millisecond in time besides themselves. My attitude about the 'elevator'
is very simple. I still believe what I told him. But my thinking of what
elevator etiquette really is should not be interpreted in a way that my
disagreement means that I am not supportive of him and who he is, and
that I really do care very much how he feels. My intention was not to
insult him or otherwise try to demean him; just that I'm entitled to my
opinion . I only know that my sensitive heart is hurting and that I do
not know the way back. And that the discussion over who has the right of
way in an elevator should not be the cause, today, of a man's anger and
a woman's painful hanging out to dry and of love's precious lost
moments. Peach