I am sitting here in my pink ginham checked cotton pyjamas because I have not been motivated to kick my but for work. I have a good excuse because I still have the 'Perpetual Friggin Cold' that is going around.
I thought it would be a good time to tell you about the Movie I am producing. It will be out next Spring.
It is the story of a beautiful Italian woman (Mascarponia) who works for the Uzbekistan Embassy in Italy. She meets a Turkish -Russian womanizer with a mysterious past and shady dealings with the Galapagos Islands Mafia.
She is drugged and kidnapped one day and wakes up in a Resort Hotel on the Adriatic Sea. She is locked in a bedroom with a tiny window. The first person she thinks about is Alflakeo, the young Turkish-Russian she has just started to get involved with.
A grimy Mediterranean with tightly curled longish hair enters the room. He is a picture worth a thousand words but the sense of smell is a better indicator for Mascarponia, as the brawny Mediterranean does not know what deoderant is. As Mascarponia is blindfolded she must guess the presence of her abductor by her olfactory gland alone.
He unties her and tells her that Alflakeo will be there shortly and to wait quietly or he will gag her and throw her in the closet. She obeys and retreats to the corner of the room as the gentleman caller is too much for her poor nose to bear.
Fortunately Alflakeo arrives in a few minutes and begins a long explanation of why she was kidnapped, who he really is and what they will do next. But that part is not important now. Let's pick up the Dialogue from there. Please imagine that they are speaking Italian and you are watching English subtitiles(because that is the way it will be.)
ALFLAKEO There is a slight problem......now that you know of our operation, I cannot let you go back to the Embassy.
MASCARPONIA I understand. I cannot go back there now anyway. My sister-in-law hates me and claims I work underground for the Israeli Mosad. My brother has gone psycho and believes it as well....I think they were about to do some report....
ALFLAKEO We know about that. Right now we must stop Uzbekistan from infiltrating the Galapagos connection and finding out the identity of our contact in Columbia. They were about to kidnap you themselves.......we were faster. I am here to save you.....but my first priority is the safety and secrecy of Senor X.
MASCARPONIA Who is this "X" character ?
ALFLAKEO He is our Leader .
MASCARPONIA Can we get out of here....I am getting a headache.
ALFLAKEO (in his heavy Russian accent while grabbing Mascarponia) I want only to gaze into your grape green eyes and whisper........
MASCARPONIA (breaking away from his tight hold and brushing her mussed up hair from her face) I really want to get out of this......this...( she turns and notices that the curly haired accomplice is reading Bill O'Reilly's Book in the corner.) Let's just leave........I want to go to the Beach!
Alflakeo and Mascarponia exit the room leaving Curly to explore his NY Times Bestseller.
At the Beach, they rent an Umbrella and await the meeting of Alflakeo's partner, Cheremoya Folikal, who had been instructed of the new meeting place. Mascarponia is not comfortable with Cheremoya and does not trust him. Senor Folikal as he his called, is jovial and superficial and keeps secrets with Alflakeo only, while Mascarponia watches. After hanging out and taking a few pictures he leaves.
MASCARPONIA I don't trust that guy past that rock........
ALFLAKEO He can be trusted. I have know him many years.
MASCARPONIA Why was he taking pictures of us?.....
ALFLAKEO Do not worry. There are reasons for the pictures which I cannot divulge to you at this time...
MASCARPONIA Are you B.S.'ing me?!....
ALFLAKEO Silencio! You sound like an American....I cannot tolerate you turning into an American! It is uncouth and I will dump you for sure if you continue your American attitiude....
Mascarponia slaps Alflakeo hard on his face. Alflakeo grabs Mascarponia and a female/male stereotype movie fight ensues.
A man sitting close by interrupts the fight by hitting Alflakeo over the head with an umbrella......Mascarponia is horrified. She was hurt by the 'American' insult, but was still in love with Alflakeo. A female bystander screams and decalres that Alflakeo has been killed. Mascarponia cries out that is isn't true and collapses to the sand........
to be continued........
.....You do know of course that hallucinations are very probable while sitting in pink gingham pyjamas, and being infected with the damn bug........
I have made up my mind that I must turn off my cell phone when in a public rest room or in a dressing room at a women's clothing store.
It is so annoying to hear someone next to you speaking and carrying on as though they were either talking to you or to themselves. This is what I had first interpreted a couple of years ago, before I realized that the person talking to themself was actually on a cellphone with a head or earpiece. I still sometimes, at first , think someone is speaking to me....."Do you know how much these things are?" I was in Trader Joe's today and a man right next to me was fondling the Andre Double Creme Brie cheeses in the Dairy Case. I looked at him and I was the only one standing next to him.....It could have been embarrassing because I almost answered him. Just before my mouth gave me away I noticed he had that ear wire in his other ear and walked away muttering something to his phone companion about the cheese being too expensive.
Cell phone addicts will give out their cell phone to everyone and carry on conversations, it seems, that go on forever. It wouldn't be so bad if it was private. But they carry on these conversations loudly in public places, parking lots, banks, restaurants, stores and markets............and of course there is always someone who forgets to turn off their cellphone in the movies.
The reasons are obvious why this can be so annoying. I am not interested to hear the private goings on of a total stranger.
I have given out my cellphone number to my Mom and Luigi only. Luigi has the cheapo $19.99 a month for 60 minutes and unlimited on the week-end. And I do not use my cell phone that much.
However sometimes he has called me in a public restroom. Someone is in the stall next to me, and can hear every word. But the most embarrassing situation was when I was trying some clothes on in a dress shop in Milano. My phone rang as I was coming out to take a look in the mirror. The phone rang, I dropped my purse on the floor and everything spilled out......but I could not find my phone......and the ring is the Auld Lang Syne New Year's song and it gets louder if you don't pick it up right away. By the time I was able to find it, everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and looked annoyingly at me. I answered my cell phone and practically whispered into it. Luigi yelled at the other end that he could not hear me. You could have heard a pin drop in the dressing room area.......I had to explain to Luigi to call him back later, with my purse and camera bag stuff all over the floor....and a line of women waiting to get into a dressing room.
How annoying.............a woman with a cell phone , totallly inconsiderate of the people waiting in line, and who are forced to listen to her private conversation..........
The following is an excerpt from an interview with a potential candidate for California Governor on THE O'REILLY FACTOR.
O'REILLY: Thank-you for coming on our program to discuss what has been a hot topic the last couple of days in the Media.
PEACH CRUMBLE: It's always a pleasure to be on your show, Bill.
O'REILLY: You indicated in your Biography last year, that when you came out of the Convent, you went into Advertising and worked with The Halo Ad Agency for 5 years before being discovered by Al Franken.
PEACH: That is correct Bill. Al was the key to getting me into making films, which is what I have been doing for most of my life.
O'REILLY: What do you think of what the L.A. Times has said about you in an article that came out in yesterday's paper. It is alleged by Times Staff writer Art Dejahn that you...........
PEACH: Yes, well I read that article and it is a total lie. I have an Attorney now, and we are going to file a defamation of character suit. There is not one speck of truth to anything written by that person who calls himself a journalist.
O'REILLY: Well, Miss Crumble, Mr. Dejahn was not the only journalist who wrote about you. Can you deny any of the allegations, when this story has been on CNN as well as here, on Fox News? We are a fair and balanced News Service you know. And you were very antagonistic to Sean Hannity when he interviewed you last week on his show.
PEACH: Sean Hannity is an idiot. HE was harrassing me and saying that I was a liar and should admit my guilt. He kept trying to.....
O'REILLY: I think it would be in your best interest to admit to the voting public your past mistakes.......the voters would accept you more if you were honest from the getgo. You should have done that a long time ago. President Bush admitted his mistakes and now everyone loves him because they know him to be honest.
PEACH: Why should I admit something I am not guilty of?
O'REILLY: Oh come on now, Miss Crumble, do you deny having sex before getting married?
PEACH: That is none of yours or anyone else's business.
OREILLY: The article also goes on to say that you sexually harrassed Will Gotcha, who played for the Philadelphia Eagles when you were living in New York . Will you deny that? He was interviewed on this show last week.
PEACH: Well, as I said in an interview a few weeks ago, when I announced my decison to enter the Governor race, that I apologised if I was a little 'rough' on some people. But all the other stuff is just nonsense......none of it ever happened.
O'REILLY: Well, I do think you should have higher morals if you want to become the next Governor. The voting public is watching you. You're not going to pull the wool over all of the people all of the time.
PEACH: What does my sex llife have to do with running the State of California......maybe you ought to get Sean Hannity to run instead of me. He's always chastising everyone else. It kind of makes you wonder what kind of mud he has hidden somewhere....
O'REILLY: Now, now, let's not get nasty. The people that go out to vote for their elected officials want them to have a very clean slate with no mistakes in their lives.....
PEACH: Maybe, Bill, you think I should go back to the convent?...........
